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“I told my doctor that every time I look in the mirror I get sick,” says Rodney Dangerfield. “He told me, ‘At least your eyesight is good.'”

“My wife and I had to start using Vaseline for sex,” says Henny Youngman. “We put it on the doorknob so the kids can’t get in.”

Q: What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

A: Walk him and pitch to the Rhino.